hm.
well. what a night.
nothing like I thought it would be.
much more serious than I was planning....but it needed to happen.
so last night was my birthday night, so the first half of my evening was spent prancing about socializing with the fun group that had amassed at Bohemia, drinking, laughing, having a grand ole time....but then I got in to a very serious, very concerning conversation with one of my best friends. I found out he is not doing very well...in several respects. a very sobering moment in my eveing. I also wound up talking with another friend about his own lack of "group" and lonliness....
it was an evening of being a shoulder and a hug.
I feel very helpless at times.
I think a big part of it is that I cannot understand. I hate not understanding things, especially when it is something that is clearly very important. religion is a good example. I don't understand it and therefore I will find myself very uncomforable being around others who are quite the opposite and hold religion and god as huge parts of their life. I cannot grasp something so important to them, so I just don't know how to handle the situation at times. and when someone comes to me deeply upset and finding life almost too hard for them....I don't know what to do. if there even is anything I can do.
fuck man. I am 19.
18 was really a wild year.
I had so many firsts in the past year. so much has changed. I learned and grown so much. the people I have met, lost, and kept...wow.
18 is gone.
it's an awkward age, 19. I have no real feel for age anymore either. I mean, 19 doesn't feel right, it sounds young and stupid....but 20 still seems like such a landmark of fucking 20. no longer a teen with that one. but right now.....
I don't know.
I feel old in many ways, and very young in many others.
maybe that's the way I'm supposed to feel? who knows.
I wonder what 19 will bring me. I hope it's good. I hope it will be filled with love and fun and accomplishments and happy memories and great aspectations. I didn't make a New Years Resolution because New Years hasn't felt like a New Year since I was about 10, but this birthday kinda says something....I'm at least feeling retrospective....so I think I'll make a resolution for my year.
but I don't know what it will be.
I'll think on it. I'll letcha know if it's anything good.
peace out.
nothing like I thought it would be.
much more serious than I was planning....but it needed to happen.
so last night was my birthday night, so the first half of my evening was spent prancing about socializing with the fun group that had amassed at Bohemia, drinking, laughing, having a grand ole time....but then I got in to a very serious, very concerning conversation with one of my best friends. I found out he is not doing very well...in several respects. a very sobering moment in my eveing. I also wound up talking with another friend about his own lack of "group" and lonliness....
it was an evening of being a shoulder and a hug.
I feel very helpless at times.
I think a big part of it is that I cannot understand. I hate not understanding things, especially when it is something that is clearly very important. religion is a good example. I don't understand it and therefore I will find myself very uncomforable being around others who are quite the opposite and hold religion and god as huge parts of their life. I cannot grasp something so important to them, so I just don't know how to handle the situation at times. and when someone comes to me deeply upset and finding life almost too hard for them....I don't know what to do. if there even is anything I can do.
fuck man. I am 19.
18 was really a wild year.
I had so many firsts in the past year. so much has changed. I learned and grown so much. the people I have met, lost, and kept...wow.
18 is gone.
it's an awkward age, 19. I have no real feel for age anymore either. I mean, 19 doesn't feel right, it sounds young and stupid....but 20 still seems like such a landmark of fucking 20. no longer a teen with that one. but right now.....
I don't know.
I feel old in many ways, and very young in many others.
maybe that's the way I'm supposed to feel? who knows.
I wonder what 19 will bring me. I hope it's good. I hope it will be filled with love and fun and accomplishments and happy memories and great aspectations. I didn't make a New Years Resolution because New Years hasn't felt like a New Year since I was about 10, but this birthday kinda says something....I'm at least feeling retrospective....so I think I'll make a resolution for my year.
but I don't know what it will be.
I'll think on it. I'll letcha know if it's anything good.
peace out.
posted by Lovemeugly at 11:30 AM
3 Comments:
OMG HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
We can't celebrate together this year :-(
I am with you in spirit.
Happy Birthday!
none of it matters really. everyday is just the same as yesterday. the importance is not want happens to you over these years. no the importance is peace and well nothing i guess. if everyday is the same day just later in our week. nothing matters. except the week. but the week is just an illussion and time is as well. nothing matters, not even nothing. so. enjoi being nineteen. and dont do anything i would do.
Post a Comment
<< Home