Oooohhhh....thinking! right.

So I've realized why my blogs have sucked so hard core recently (other than my obvious lack of proof reading....)

I haven't been thinking.

Seriously, I just haven't been taking the time sit and THINK about anything. I used to have all this time to myself at the beginning of the school yearn where I would read and think and have at least occasionally put out an interesting musing or two, but now...I don't have much Me time to think in. I'll sit down to try and write something but I'm so wrapped up in what's going on, what needs to get done, and where I'm going next that I can't form a coherent thought so I just babble about my past or present plans. And really...that's only interesting upon occasion.

I figured this out because I went to chicago this weekend, and in that I spent a bit of my time riding trains. I reall like train riding because I am either alone or with Gunnar, and neither situations have any pressure for conversation at all. I am free to stare and think. ME time. It made me realize I missed even the 7 minute travel time from my house to OHS every morning and night, because that was solid Jessi Alone Time. Now...even when I'll leave the theatre or Apartment B, Kelly's almost always in the room. It is very rare for me to get actual time alone to myself. And I won't really notice I miss it until a get a taste for it again either. I mean, I really function perfectly well and happily without said personal time, but once I remember that I should be having it...I realize just how good it feels.

I was riding home on the train tonight and I was just being my silly, over-thinking self and really wanted to gush to someone, buuuuut being on a train I didn't want to pop on the cell phone and inform everyone of the silly inner workings of Jessi's brain, so I started writing them down. This isn't a new action, I'll write when I am feeling particularly emotional or worked up, or just extra pensive. So I'm writing and thinking, and I decide that I need to buy and keep a journal for real. One that I will actually keep with me all the time and can write in whenever I feel inspired. My hope is that if I start disiplining myself, maybe I can use it as designated Me/Thinking time. Will it work? probably not on the first try. But I'm gunna give it a shot.

oh yeah, CHICAGO!

My trip was grand, so so fun. sigh. It was great getting to spent so much time with Dan. Plus the extra bonus of being on his turf this time. he's too good. and too far away. sigh.

Visiting with Gunnar was fun as well. We drank together for the first time too! It was quite amuzing.

ok, enough for now. catch ya'lls later.

peace.