AHH!!

So my roommate Lejla called me this evening at 5 saying her professor is working on this photoshoot tomorrow and they lost their hair and makeup artist last minute and need one.

it's a gig from 8am to 4pm and pays $200.

aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

sooooo, when I asked what I would be asked to do, she said it was really basic, they would come apready prepared and I'd just be needed for touchups throughout the shoot.

......so I said yes.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I don't know what I am doing!! I've never done anything for photos! I know stage makeup! I don't know if I have the type of stuff they need...I don't know how to tell when I'll need to do something or what it'll need to be......oh geeze....

ok, I am working myself up a little too much. It'll probably be like, powdering the person every take or so.

But I really have no idea what kind of shoot this is period though. Like, I don't know where it is, what it's for, what kind of people they will be.....

I am SO nervous.

well....here's to hopeing I don't fail.

Oh what a world what a world....

I've gone and done it friends....I've become one of those people I never wanted to be.....

I now drink energy drinks regularly to keep me going through my day.

I never wanted to do that!!!! I always tried not to drink too much coffee or whatever becaue I hated the idea of being dependant on some outside, unhealthy force to get me through my day!! Because what would I do if I couldn't get that thing one day? how would I function?!

but now.....I don't depend on them. and I don't drink them every day.



but I do get them almost every tuesday and thursday......but I have 9am classes!! (now you high school people may scoff, but keep in mind that I am up until 3 or 4 am regularly)

.....I suck.

oh well. I admit it. I love the kick it gives me. It perks me up and give me the bounce that keeps me from passing out in the middle of classes.

...you beautiful bastard you....

To Kyle.

Kyle died today of a cocain overdose.

Kyle was 19 years old.

unfortunatley, I did not know Kyle. But my friend did.

She has seen more than you would ever guess from her easy smile and fun manner.

She has seen more young death than is ever fair.

Tonight I toasted Kyle and held my friend. We held her hand, her head, and her body. We dried her eyes. We listened.

We tried.

How do you comfort someone so convinced they aren't good enough?


It was a hard night. A reminder about life.

Life is...all about perspective.

I got a hella big reminder about what life IS tonight.

Life is so precious....yet eternally "unfair".

I was just talking to a friend about how I want to take time and really delve into finding some kind of "religion" that I believe in. And part of this conversation involved talking about "God".

I am a little uncomfortable when dealing with the entity of "God". I don't really understand, nor relate to the belief that God is one BEING. I don't feel like this Christian God is something/one that sits well with me.

But, this does not mean I am an aetheist. I actually have great faith in a higher being. It's just the Christian model that throws me. My "god" is all knowing and has a reason for everything.

Nothing is abitrary.

No one is forgotten.

Do I believe in destiny? Maybe a little. But I still believe heavily in personal responsibility for ones path in life.

...but if everything is happening for a reason, then wouldn't that mean we were all destined to make all the "choices" we did?

maybe.

maybe not.

I don't know.

but I don't think I need to know that one.

But I do feel like I know that everything does happen for a reason. Maybe because I haven't had anything really terrible happen in my life to make me seriously question my life or beliefs yet.....but I hope to "god"that it is true.

because I can't handle the thought that we really are just ants running around our little anthill with no rhyme or reason.

or purpose.

....the term "prayer" or "pray" is another one that I am uncomfortable with....but I do believe heavily in the power of positive thought. I know that it is fundamentally the same, but it is different to me. So please, send some good thoughts my way. Send them to Anna. Send them to Kyle's family and friends.

Shit like this happens every day.

.....

but we have to have the shit to have the beauty.

.....

there was an awful beauty in tonight, I won't lie. I saw a part of Anna that very few people have seen. I also saw a strength and love in my friends that none of us may have really realized we had until now.

the worst can bring out the best......to be cliche about it.

and...to once again quote my beloved Big Sib Eric Svaleson,

"Life is terribly wonderful."

......and you have to believe it.

A Few Highlights...

housemate smashing time

(beercan, apple, and an applesauce cup)

trapping Colleen in the bathroom.

fall break! WOOO!

visiting with my beloved Di and Alex.

watching this amazing couple swing dance with the heart and soul they have learned and earned, but with the bodies that should have been thirty years younger. wow.

preparing for the kick-ass haunted house we are having the 28th.

All this plus much much more...

it's been a good couple of weeks. I've had a little time to breathe as well, which is good, because I have a feeling things are going to be SUPER crazy again much too soon.

soon I'll have some shots from our student production of Butcher to post so you can oooh and ahhh at our handiwork some more! ; )

ya know what?

we really can be successful at our passion. as much as I bitch about America, we are the land of opportunity....

....you just need to know how to find it.

oh. my. god.

oh god. I love my life. I love my life.

things are so absured.

Oswego here I come!

I have a mini break coming up this Monday and Tuesday and I am actually coming home!

Saturday -
1. ) leave Bradley and head home.
2.) stop by set construction if it is still going on when I get there.
3.) go to Chicago to ROCK OUT with my beloved Di and Alex.

Sunday -
1.) still be rocking out with Di and Alex.
2.) sleep.
3.) see fucking SCISSOR SISTORS!!
4.) go home again.

Monday -
1.) sleep.
2.) spend time with the family.
3.) relax.

Tuesday -
1.) Meet up with the best director/best person in the world, Steve Snyder, and a few of my favorite Bradley people to run around to several high schools to present shit on how cool Bradley is.
2.) Go to OHS and present and see people!
3.) Go to OEHS and present and see people!
4.) Head back home to school.
5.) Sleep.

damn it's going to be a great few days.