here comes the sun, and I say, it's all right

AAAAHHAAHAAHAAHAAA!! SUNSHINE!!

the weather yesterday was beautifully warm, and today it is even better. The sky is blue, the sun is shining and warming the world.

I am SO HAPPY.

ahhhhhh.....

so I housed a perspective student last night! It was a lot more fun that I thought it would be, because honestly, I was worried that it would be awkward and I'd have to uber babysit her all night. But I mean, I was looking forward to it, I was just preparing for the worst case scenario. But luckily she was real fun, kinda weird, but she really went with the flow and we had a good time. Plus she is pretty sure now (because of her visit) that she wants to come here next year.

I ROCK AT RECRUITING!

hah.

IT'S SO NICE OUTSIDE!! so I'm going to get off this wretched machine of indoors death, shower, then bask in the beautiful sunshine!

god Donovan was MADE for days like this.

peace and love.

ok go

all right. this is one of the best things I have EVER seen.

ever.

OK GO - A Million Ways To Be Cruel on Transbuddha

spring fever?

spring fever
n.
A feeling of languor or yearning brought on by the coming of spring

yep. I think that would be the vibe going around here as of late.

I am ready for sunshine, warmth, change, love, and excitement.

I want to clean things, re-organize, CHANGE.

I have a serious longing for....SOMETHING. I don't know what, but I feel like there is something painfully close that is going to or should happen...and it's coming...but I can't yet touch it...

slightly discontent.

erg.

pensive.

EDIT:
This entry was made last night around 5am. I was a bit drunk and had been having a long night of lots of different things happening. I had the smarts to not post it then and there because, well, I was drunk and drunken posts generally don't reflect too well on the post-er. But I read it today and I've decided to post it anyways, typos and everything. I think it's interesting? meh.



a party, kinda.
that's where I am at. hangin out at Old Town. But this night quickly turned into me and Pookie time. We have had a quite the night of "seeing".

ignorance is bliss? but...the only conception of ignorance is what we build for ourselves.

hindsight is 20/20.

we see all and understand so much more...but where does that leave us? the more we think, the more we turn to our better judgement, and the more we look to that, the more inhibitions we develope.

a good thing? or resticting?

ignorance is bliss.

but where is ignorance without those who understand to esablish WHAT ignorane is?

where does understanding leave us?

alone and unhappy?

god I hope not.

ben and I agreed that there is this widespread feeling of UNREST.

I need SOMETHING to happen. I am discontent because I need some big emotional or whatever release to happen...something to make whatever crazy shit that has been going down make some kind of sense?

but, maybe it;s just spring fever.

I need some kind of change. I need to clean, to re-arrange, to feel, to MOVE...to something FUCKING else.

everyone I've talked to thie weekend has had a very similar result of at least last nights events being that we all had VERY late nights for some strange reason or other. All of us were up to somewhere around 5 or 6 in the morning.

I think we're waiting for something to happen. some kind of validation maybe.

Pookie and I were talking about how we, as people, will relate to certain albums or songs for certain points in our lives...and it's true. His has been Postal Service for the past week or so...because they have a way of making things poetic and therefore more pleasant....when really they are far from that. when you really listen...."I was the one worth leaving..." what the fuck. that is a fucking heart wrenching, soul hurting song....but it's beautiful and upbeat and therefore that makes it better.

I want LIFE dammit.

but where the fuck to I find it?

really.

LIFE.

what the fuck is it?

I have realized that I do not really have "bad days" and I can't decided if this is a good or a bad thing. I mean, it's good because it means that I guess I look for the optimism in each changing day and let the change of the day change and not let the bad keep me down....but at the same time...something I have realliy stated to notice because of acting class is just how rare it is that we as people are actually honest with OURSELVES,

when someone asks how I am doing, I respond GREAT.

WONDERFUL.

THINGS ARE AWSOME.

but...am I just lying to myself? that really isn't honsetly how I feel much of the time, but at the same time I can't help but think of 'leadership training' from high school and how if you put a smile on and speak positively you will generally just start to believe it. act energetic then you will be.

but what is the truth?

but saying I am great I get myself thinking I am and generally in a better mood (shoiuld I be in a bad mood) but then....I am not always truthful. is it better to be absolutely honest? but then what gets you the better side of the coing?

and suddenly all my quandries are seem absolutely inconsequential.

YOUR TUB IS BIG!

so, now, don't get me wrong, I love working in the theatre shop. I mean, I dig building stuff. But the downer is that I use wax in my hair and therefore when sawdust is flying all over the place and it inevitably lands in my atop my head...it stays. and looks like I have dandruff.

no bueno.

all right, so I'm trying a new look. I dispised the old one so...ya know. I like the dark look. It's a little simple...but we'll see how it rolls.

Oooohhhh....thinking! right.

So I've realized why my blogs have sucked so hard core recently (other than my obvious lack of proof reading....)

I haven't been thinking.

Seriously, I just haven't been taking the time sit and THINK about anything. I used to have all this time to myself at the beginning of the school yearn where I would read and think and have at least occasionally put out an interesting musing or two, but now...I don't have much Me time to think in. I'll sit down to try and write something but I'm so wrapped up in what's going on, what needs to get done, and where I'm going next that I can't form a coherent thought so I just babble about my past or present plans. And really...that's only interesting upon occasion.

I figured this out because I went to chicago this weekend, and in that I spent a bit of my time riding trains. I reall like train riding because I am either alone or with Gunnar, and neither situations have any pressure for conversation at all. I am free to stare and think. ME time. It made me realize I missed even the 7 minute travel time from my house to OHS every morning and night, because that was solid Jessi Alone Time. Now...even when I'll leave the theatre or Apartment B, Kelly's almost always in the room. It is very rare for me to get actual time alone to myself. And I won't really notice I miss it until a get a taste for it again either. I mean, I really function perfectly well and happily without said personal time, but once I remember that I should be having it...I realize just how good it feels.

I was riding home on the train tonight and I was just being my silly, over-thinking self and really wanted to gush to someone, buuuuut being on a train I didn't want to pop on the cell phone and inform everyone of the silly inner workings of Jessi's brain, so I started writing them down. This isn't a new action, I'll write when I am feeling particularly emotional or worked up, or just extra pensive. So I'm writing and thinking, and I decide that I need to buy and keep a journal for real. One that I will actually keep with me all the time and can write in whenever I feel inspired. My hope is that if I start disiplining myself, maybe I can use it as designated Me/Thinking time. Will it work? probably not on the first try. But I'm gunna give it a shot.

oh yeah, CHICAGO!

My trip was grand, so so fun. sigh. It was great getting to spent so much time with Dan. Plus the extra bonus of being on his turf this time. he's too good. and too far away. sigh.

Visiting with Gunnar was fun as well. We drank together for the first time too! It was quite amuzing.

ok, enough for now. catch ya'lls later.

peace.

aaaaahhhhh.....home.....

Home sweet home...

But not until after a WAAANDERFUL weekend at Augie! Andrew (best friend from Bradley) and I bummed a ride to Augie with my roomie on Friday (it worked out awsome because she lives like, ten minutes away from the campus). So we showed up Friday and spent the evening just hanging out with Cori, we got dinner, grocery shopped, helped her get her big senior presentation ready for a few hours, then went home, made some popcorn and watched X-men! It was the exact mellow evening all three of us needed. Andrew and I were coming off a crazy crazy busy week of lots of work and lots of party...heh...heh...so the recoup time was welcomed, and Cori, as usual has been running herself ragged, so yeah. It was quite the definition of lovely.

Morning was met with home made breakfast by yours truely of garlic potatoes and eggs with feta and spinach. One word: delicious.

Then more hanging out at the theatre, watchin other senior presentations (which were AWSOME for the most part), then, oh possibly the BEST part of the trip....dinner with the Andersons.

Now, Wilder Anderson has been best friends with Cori since their freshman year. He is awsome. But, desite the long and dear friendship, our families have never actually met. So, this being the first time both families would be on campus at the same time, Darcy (Wilder's mom) invited our fam for dinner after Cori and Wilder gave their presentations. Let me tell you a little about the Andersons...Darcy and Steve are hippies. And I use ARE because they STILL are. For example, to this day, they never got married. They have three kids and been together for YEARS, but they just never bothered getting married. They all lived in Communal living for a good portion of Wilder's childhood, meaning they lived in a huge old house with two other families and just shared everything. Wilder as an additional like, four siblings that aren't "really" related, but they were raised as such. Then they moved to Alaska. Alaska people. And from there they moved to the quad cities where the house they are living in now has what is reffered to by all as "The Boom Boom Room" which is basically the main rooms of the basement which in covered entirely by lepard print carpet (ok, the carpet was there when they moved in, but they proudly admit it was a huge selling point for them). Plus they've had Wilder be the designated driver for concerts, and have an entire wall filled with CDs mostly consisting of Greatful Dead live recordings.

Hippies right?

SO! Add those crazy people to MY crazy family and what do you get?

THE BEST DINNER EVER.

Darcy is an amazing cook, so food was unquestionably delicious. We all went through about, eeesh, seven or eight bottles of wine, including this '88 bottle of....something amazing....that was apparently very close to an "ice wine" for those who know things about wine. All I know is that it was old, thick, sweet, and the best wine I have EVER had.

Conversation was just a blast and everyone thuroughly enjoyed themselves. Steve even busted out his guitar for a little bit at the end of the evening and played for us. He sounded quite a bit like Tom Waits, which was awsome.

But, the evening had to come to and end at some point, we had a party to attend at Cori's friends place, so we said our goodbye "Aiiiieeeyyyyyss!!" (meant to be said like a pirate....Darcy is crazy) and drove off.

The theatre party was fun, but a very different kind of party than Andrew and I are used to. Much more mellow. No where near as crazy. But still real fun, there was a lot of Oswego there! Nicole Cealka, Alison Annala (visiting for the night from Whitewater), and of course Squirly. Kyle was home for the weekend, but I got to see her earlier in the day, so huttah!

I had one of those very "my worlds are mixing! ah!" moments later in the night when Andrew and Squirly were becoming fast friends. But really, it was awsome.

and now I am home. I have slept a lot and plan to do some more before my antics in the city tomorrow! I'm home all today, then back thursday night through sunday, so if anybody wants to hang out, ya'll know where to find me.

peace.

He sneak make-ed out you.

Ok, so ya know what like, activity? I missed out on COMPLETELY?

Comic books.

I totally missed the boat on these guys. I thought they were totally dead and archaic until people I know started talking about them and seriously, more people my age than I EVER would have expected are SO into Comic books!

So, I read a couple from some series that Dust was into like, two summers ago. I really got into it too. They are like really active books! with pictures! and they keep going! for issues and issues and issues...

but when it comes to Batman, X-men, Superman, and all those other superheros and the like, I am waaaaaaay out of the loop. The X 3 trailer was released last night and everyone I was with about shat themselves while watching it. I haven't even seen the first two movies, much less be able to identify every other new character from a .02 second shot. but whatever. Maybe I'll read them someday. I'll just steal Andrews.

Anywhooo, the moral of the story is if anyone wants to lend me their Comic books, I will totally read them. and they are not childish and stupid like I had kind of thought before. sorely mistaken.

oh...and I am desperate for things to post on...bio has rotted my brain.

peace out kids.

Bye Bye Mimi...

Mimi, my family's cat, died a few days ago.

my mom noticed she hadn't seen the kitty in like, a day, which is funny because she usually curls up with my mom in the evenings, so she went outside to look for her. She found the cat under the canoe outside, in the spot she always used to hang out or sleep in. My mom was too sad to do anything but bury her righ there on the spot, under the canoe in her spot.

man. this is the first real pet I've ever lost before. It's weird because I'm not home to actually be able to get the full realization of her being gone.

she was a crazyass cat, but she had really kinda pulled a 180 on us from this past summer on...I'm gunna miss that fat cat.

so yeah. it's hitting my mom pretty hard, I think she's been having a tough time with both Cori and I being out of there this year that she channeled all her excess 'mommy energy' into the animals....and now Mimi's gone too....

she was a fun cat, I'll give her that. I'll miss her.