wilderness, HERE I COME!!

I'm off to camp tomorrow morning, bright and early! Lets hope I can survive the four days of solid "mommy-time". Don't get my wrong, my mom is great and I love her to death, I really do, buuuuuuut she's crazy. So! that means Cori and I may need to run away for small periods of time.

but, we'll make it and our bonus will be Dust and Dan coming up on friday for a fun-filled weekend with just the four of us. AHHHH WE'RE GUNNA HAVE FUN!!

I LOVE camping.

catch you all when I return on sunday!!

peace.

Hey. Call me.

I've been spending hours upon hours on homework this past week. my brain is going to DIE. buuuuuut it means I will hopefully not have to touch it for the week I am camping. which is a GOOD thing.

So I am leaving very soon. I will be moving down probably Friday the 5th. This means that anyone I have said "we should hang out!" needs to call me and be like "bitch! lets hang out!" before I am lost in Bradleyland.

got it?

good.

I'll be expecting phone calls.

riiiight......NOW!! GO GO GO!!

no?

lameasses.

heh, peace my children.

Go read a newspaper...or visit BBC news..

I cannot talk anything political with my mother. She is such a conservative America-lover that it pisses me off. I mean, not overtly, but enough to not listen to anything telling her contrary to the shitfaced biased conservative crap she listens to everyday on the radio.

In Mrs. Pages class I remember we learned a term for when people become so caught up in their own personal lives and worlds that they can no longer see nor risk anything for the world outside their own...I wish could think of it now because it would encompase most of the US suburbs.

"Why does it take catastrophe to start a revolution if we're so free?" -Jonathin Larson

One more show in the bag...

Well, Beauty and the Beast has finished it's wildly successful run. It was a fast and intensely busy show for me, but I honestly loved it. If I could have spent six weeks working that show alone...I would have in a heartbeat. just imagine how much more I could have done....

but I am going to miss it. I got real attatched to a lot of the kids this year. It was a very good group of kids, plus some spectacular newbies. It's kinda weird for me because I am at the awkward cusp point now where I am out of the high school thing, but only by a year. I mean, I've been friends with a good number of the kids for a couple years, so it's natural to want to be one of the gang, but at the same time there is still that definate difference now. That one year does make a difference. I'm a big kid now. but not so big that I can't still want to and enjoy spending time with all the high school people.

growing up is funny.

anyhoo, I am enjoying an evening of Me Time. I sat on my computer for a while downloading skins for ReaPlayer and listening to music. then I did some laundry. now I'm going to read and go to be REAL early.

a quite evening that was very much needed.

peace.

ps
last night was the first time, in the six odd years that my neighbors have had their pool, that I ever swam in it.

at 4am.



what a spectacular night.

everyone take a little Me Time

Did you know that a person should have at least 15 touches a day to be healthy? Granted this could be a totally arbitrary number, but I do know that experiments have been done that prove that humans are social and physical people that need physical interaction with one another. a brush of a hand, a touch of a knee, any sort of positive human contact will make you a healthier person.

I sometimes think that so much of our struggles and discontentments could at least be slightly lifted if we could gain a level of comfort that allowed more of us to touch one another in a positive way.

So go get your 15 touches. hold hands with a dear friend. embrace a family member. high five a team mate. squeeze the arm of a counterpart.

lets all be a little healthier.

OPENING NIGHT

Come see the show.

DOOOO IIITTTTT.....

...no phonecall for Jessi?

I'm tired. I'm ready to be done with the show. I hate that feeling when it's not over yet, a lot of work still needs to be done, and especially when it's a show that I have been so anxiously anticipating for...well, the better part of a year. but I'm getting a little burt out. It'd be different if I had gone into it fresh, but P&P really took it out of me. But I'm still enjoying what I am doing...I am just really ready to have some time to myself. To work on projects that I get to wear and enjoy.

Plus when I'm tired and overworked I get bummed and worried very easily, and I do not like that. small things that I normally can brush off all seem more important...or at least more poignant. I dunno. I just feel out of it.

I'm getting ready to go back to school. I miss my home. I miss my friends. New and old. I am really sad at the serious lack of any friend contact with my graduating class this summer...well, with the exception of Alison (but that's because we worked to together drove together). We all made all these plans to see each other and hang out...and that has not happened. kinda sucks. I had hoped that we would do a camping trip like last year, so I handed the planning over to vladipants so we could get a head start on reservations and stuff before school got out, but it looks like all of that just fell to the wayside.

sleep time. someone bring me candy and hug.

peace.

13 hour days are normal...right?

working on costumes. I need to learn how to work faster. I am such a trial and error person, especially with working with new materials and concepts, because I don't know how to really "plan" what I am doing. I love the different attepts and trying to figure out what will work with whatever crazy means I can scrap...

...but then that takes me twice the time it could potentially have taken if I had the knowhow to really PLAN exactly what needs to be done and how.

I need to work on that.

see you all in a week when I have a life again!

peace.

someday and Oscar I will have...

If I could sit around all day every day making incredible costume pieces, elaborate masks, and rediculous hats...I think I would be in heaven.

I want to do this for the rest of my life.

I want to be GOOD at this.

I think I am...I hope I am...I plan on getting to be.


I like to think that I have a knack for it. I mean, I'm not great, there is a LOT that I need to improve on and still need to learn, but...I love it. and I'm crafty. and I'm damn hard working.

so...where in that is there room to fail?

right?

god I don't want to fail.

in life I mean.

I want to work my ass off to make actors shine, I want to burn, poke, cut, and paste my hands every day of my life doing what I love to do.

I want to succed.

I NEED to succeed.

I NEED to prove it to all of my family, all of my friends, and all of myself that I CAN do this in the world and not fade away into the land of the 9-5s and cubicles.

ya know, doing other things, my work with the kids this summer in particular, has shown me that I honestly can be happy doing other things with my life other than theatre. I COULD pursue some other course.

but then I could never see another movie or play agian. because it would cut me to the quick. I have given up music in my life for a year now, only a year, and I am still practically moved to tears whenever I hear a live band or choir and I think of how much I miss being a part of something that magical.

If I took theatre out of my life, it would have to stay out. and that just cannot be done.

I look at friends at school and I wonder how they can go through life without drive. of any kind. I wonder how people can just choose a career, something they could potentially be spending the rest of their lives doing, without a sense of calling.

I wonder if only a few of us are born with passion inside of us.

Isn't that the only explination though? I mean, some people, some people you can tell that they had passion, they raged with some kind of fire about something, but that fire was put out for some reason. something killed their passion, be it lack of money, or too much of it, the had it once, but it's left them. they are one breed. but then there are the people who have no desire for anything. their goals are thin and their motivations are superficial. they move through life with the crowd, do what needs to be done, and are fine with that. and it's not bad. it honestly isn't. I just don't understand it. I can't comprehend the listlessness of them. I cannot grasp the person that has no dreams.

because sometimes I feel so overwhelmed by the power of what I feel for my work, my dreams, my friends, my family, my LIFE that I can't breathe. my chest wells up and I tear up because of the deep rooted feeling that I have for all that is truely special in my life.

but...I'm young and idealistic.

I don't know what it is like to not make a rent payment. to not have the money to eat dinner.

but I can see my loans starting to build up. I am starting to feel their weight. only a little, because I know I still have time...but it's there. resting around my tenth vertibre next to my right shoulderblade alongside my social insecurities. I am seeing how easy it is to not have a job no matter what career path you choose.

well, actually, it can be a little comforting to know that everyone looses out at some point. misery enjoys company eh?

but anyways. I repeat myself. I've ranted on this topic before...and I know I'll do it again. it still makes me feel a little better for a little while when I do it. and I often forget, with the awesomeness of this whole blogger account, but I started blogging as mostly a personal thing. I need to remember that.

worry less.

peace.

SEE LIMELIGHT THINGS!

come see Pride and Prejudice (tonight only!!!!!) it really is very good, totally worth going out to see. Plus...boys look cute with tailcoats and ascots, I'm just sayin.

come see Beauty and the Beast the 13-15th. I'm sure I'll be freaking out about it a little on here later because I have to costume that whole show in....six days?

aaahhhhhhh.........

soooo I'm not going to exist for about two weeks until that show is over SO! the best way to probably see it so come see the show!!!! so...Come see the show!

and bring all your friends.

twice.

DO IT.