AHH CRAP!!

I missed my 100th post!! dammit! I was going to at LEAST mention it. oh well. I complained instead. good enough substitute right?

Anywhoos, welcome to my 101st post instead!

it's interesting to think about when i started this guy....it was December of last year. a freshman. so many new things.

have I grown? yes.

a lot? I don't really know.... I know I still blog about a lot of the same trite bullshit, but then again, I'm pretty sure it's a lot of the the same trite bullshit we all feel and experience, so I don't think I need to have figured out too much in 100 posts.

other than that...nothing too interesting going on. the first day of classes were, well, the first day of classes. I have more friends in my non-major classes than I expected, which is very good. tomorrow will be just lighting design and 3-D design. my lovely creative, artsy days!

peace until tomorrow.

hrm.

classes start tomorrow. it really has not sunken in yet. I have to be in class at 9am.

.......ew.

but, really, I am glad that they are starting finally. I'm ready for them. well, mentally yes, acedemically....maybe not. I have been painfully procrastinating my finals work. But, luckily I'll be in contact with those teachers soon and be given deadlines. I need deadlines.

I've been feeling kind of....out of sorts lately. in a few ways. discontented. this is a lingering feeling from last semester, and I've had some distractions since then, but now that I'm well and about to be working again...the feeling has returned. I'm unmotivated to do a lot of the things that I used to be excited about....I just have a little pit of unsatisfied living in my belly.

I've started thinking about religion again...about what it must feel like to have such a constant, guiding, loving force to carry you through life. what it must feel like to constantly have goals and codes to follow to keep you going and in line. I started thinking that maybe I want something like that, that it may center me a little. but, I already know that most of the major western religions don't sit well with me, and Taoism is just too inactive and apathetic for me, so I began reading up on the "religion" that has always hit a chord with me - Buddhism.

I'm in the process of reading this great book called What the Buddah Taught. as I'm reading, I am finding that there is so much of what the Buddah spoke on rings completely with me, he believed in learning as the ulitmate power, he was completely pacifist, and belived that one should learn to live in each moment of every day. but....then there is so much that doesn't sit with me...so much that seems entirely unobtainable while still living and working and thriving in the world. To become enlightened one seeks to understand everything, and this means to take one's emotions and dissect them objectively, then through understanding, release yourself from them. ....but I am an emotional person, and I believe that all feelings are not only necessary, but a joy. I like the highs and lows and I don't think I want to sacrifice them for an end that I don't believe I could ever reach. and, well, I really like eating meat....

I am but a young scholar, but I think I can see that I shall not be delclaring myself a buddhist anytime soon.

but the thing is.....through all this thinking and talking about philosophy and religion....I came to realize that while I don't think that is what is missing in my life, it is nice to have more of a path. however personal and diverse it may be.

and still....that unsatisfaction lingers.

At the beginning of the year I was so pumped. I was working my ass off, I was being challenged, and I was loving it. I worked long hours for simple assignments because I wanted to be the best and make each one great. then....everything started loosing it's zeal. And it is beyond frustrating, because I want to be able to dissect my life, try to find what is giving me this feeling, but the damn MONO throws a huge wrench in everything! I can't tell if it was some internal desire that caused my apathy, or just the sickness that drained the life out of me. And now, now I am healthy, but I have been away from anything resembling structure and guidance for over a month now....is it the lack of structure or the same discontentness?

so now....maybe it is just that I need to start school again. the stupid thing is, even after all this time, it still feels like I haven't had a break. it's the damn finals. they have been looming in the back of my mind all break. I have not had a completely work-free break since I started school. and I mean, this had been kind of my fault. I could have been working on them more since I've been back, and that would have made me feel better...but again it goes back to my need of structure and deadlines.

so, kick myself in the ass, get working, make some due dates, and get going and I'll feel better?

maybe.

or I'm just lonely.

who knows?

water water everywhere!!

Sooooo, I recieved a rather soggy welcome back to the ole p-town abode.

My water heater decided to start leaking friday night - of course friday night, the point in time where it would have the MOST time to leak before it could get fixed, bastard - and this it did with reckless abandon. Drew, who was staying here over J-term, did his best to guide the growing puddle AWAY from my bedroom (which is right next door), buuut it kept on leaking for many many hours, and the water subsequently went EVERYWHERE.

luckily, Drew moved any potentially ruin-able items to the safe half of my bedroom (the floor has a little tilt to it) so nothing was wrecked. But I still had to wake up at 8:45 this morning to be ready for my landlord to come and install a new water heater and to help me move all my shit out of that half of the room so we could pull the carpets up.

I can't decided if it makes the situation better or worse that this is actually the third time I've had to haul out all my shit like this. I mean, it's a super bitch especially when it comes to moving it all back in, but I've already done it a few times so know what to expect.

Whatevski. I think I am going to take this as a karmic responce to my complete and utter procrastination in my finals work. I have not touched a thing since I finished my Costume Design. sigh. well, enough of that.

so, I'm off to draw a portrait then re-position my carpet as it lies drying across our bowling seats to assure it gets completely dry.

peace friends.

home again home again, jiggity jig

soooo, I'm home for the weekend. I had a good ole' doctors appointment (all is well and healthy though, no worries in that department), so it landed me a few days in the crazy house.

my dad had got this scruffy, facial hair thing going on, and, while I was a little thrown at first, it's really growing on me. it's kinda grey and kinda not....I think it's a good look.

The real highlight of this trip though, was tonight. I MOVED MY SISTER OUT OF THE RENTS HOUSE!! WOOOOO!!!! She is now the roommate of our dear friend Brian in a nice little place. I am so so SO happy for her. She'll probably only be there for a few months, because she'll most likely *knock on wood* be in china for the next school year, but HELL. she needed to get out. plus it's extra awesome because Brian in my comic book hook-up here in the burbs, so now when I am home and visitin Cori, I automatically will automatically have the chance to talk nerdy with Brian! yesssss....

Anywhooos, my time back at school the past couple weeks has been TERRIBLY unproductive. I got one final finished (the Costume Design, and I got and A bitches!!) but other than that I sleep late, paint my set from 1 - 5 then come home, cook a lovely dinner, then sit on my ass with Drew until all hours of the wee morning and the begin the cycle all over again. LAME. I am determined to stop sucking to bad when I get back dammit!!

But, one good thing has come from my extreme laziness - I have discovered my love of martial arts action movies. More specifically, Tony Jaa movies. I'm a little in love with him. Muay Thai boxing is hard core bad ass.

OH god. and anyone who loves british humor and zombies NEEDS to see Sean of the Dead. I know I am REALLY behind the times, but I just saw it about a week ago and was totally blown away with just how great that movie is.

ok, enough lame movie recomendations. I'm out.

peace.

dance.

So the times I most feel like posting...I am never near my computer. it never fails to piss me off.

these are the drunken ramblings of me from a last weeks partyings, I wrote them down on a paper plate, then stuck it in my vest pocket. I didn't take the time to decipher them until tonight.

so yeah. they are slightly incoherent, and silly, but...I dunno....I get so passionate when I get a little alcohol in me, and I don't feel it's all that worse that when I'm sober, so why not? this blog is for my own personal, cathartic ramblings anyways. so, here it is.

01.02.07
Night of Tuesday.
I hate wet feet in socks. baby can ashtrays.
feeling pensive....
Aspirations. we are all so full of ambition and hope and pans. but who of us will will actually do it?

scary thoughts.

love the B party.
must write legible.
must live. breathe life through death. All is trite.
Love the naked. love the drink. love the lack of inhibitions.

Burn...but good? tears heal. Don't wanna be seen.

hide in the cold.

Old world glassed in.

change. love it. have to roll with it.
worlds. I don't even know.

New openings. old longings.
I wish I was eloquent. more than drunken ramblings.

Some of what we hate,
some of what we love,
It all IS.
don't let it go.

...I miss my fauxhawk...

So, I've been FAR too lazy lately.

But, while I apathetically avoid doing real work, I have been absurdly domestic. Cooking and cleaning up is about all a can motivate to do after painting for a few hours. But it at least rears some delicious and tidy endings!

On a quite note, my housemate are all leaving for London in a matter of like, 3 days. The house here is empty now...except for Drew and I. sigh.

Anywhoos, I was looking for a picture to use for my self-portrait for my art class, so went on the ole facebook and decided to check out what picture others had tagged of me. Inevitably I just wound up looking through a billion pictures instead of actually working. sooooo, in leu of anything interesting to say at the moment, here are some of my favs.

As bummed as I am for my housemate leaving me, I do have some high hopes for this semester. I actually think I may not be completely over-worked for once ( I am now terrified of re-getting mono...once is enough thank you. ) So I'm going to have some more time to get out of my house and I really think that I'm going to get closer to the rest of my class.

I think a revolution is bubbling.

and a revolution without dancing is a revolution is a revolution is not worth having.

so here's to the new year, the new semester, the new times to be had!!

peace friends.

So this is the New Year...

Hello friends. Appologies for the sucking at posting. Life was rather dull and not much happened that was really "post material"

Not to say that nothing happened, but ya know, not everything is right for the blog post.

anywhoos.....I actually survived almost a month home and now I am back in p-town for the semester. It feels sooo good to be back in my house and surrounded by those that I adore.

My new years was spent at a Black Tie affair filled with alums and friends, and really, it was one of the best New Years that I have had in a few.

Appologies for my in-eloquence. I'm real tired and a little drunk, but I wanted to get something up before I was overcome with finals work (EWWWWW) and forgot this thing existed.

so yes. I shall sleep deeply soon, then the new day will dawn. I will productive and then return with good news and good posts.

all right friends, Happy New Year!!! and peace to you all.