"Drink hearty lad."

any one of you out there that says you love theatre and plan to keep it in your life, YOU are OBLIGATED to read this play. If you don't fall under this category, still read it.

Long Day's Journey into Night
By Eugene O'Neill

this is the most tragically beautiful play, I was just completely taken by it. not that you should expect anything less, O'Neill is one of the greatest American Playwrights there has ever been (an probably will be) the man won FOUR Pulitzer prizes and the NOBEL PRIZE for literature, the first American to ever.

the man had a seriously fucked up life and made so much beauty out of it.

READ THE PLAY.

I promise you wont regret it.

my arms my legs my heart my face the are alive...

...and she would cry, LIAR LIAR!

that's right, I just quoted Cursive in my post. Not really a band I would usually be into, right? I'm as surprised as the next...but they've grown on me. At least, the album the Ugly Organ has. If anyone cares, it is album that inspired the play Butcher, which is our lab show this semester. it's dark, sad, and good.

....come see it. October 20th and 21st.

enough shamless promotion.

I suck at making friends in classes. Get me at a party and I'll talk to anyone in the room! I'll start up conversations with complete strangers, no biggie! but in CLASS. it's like my social skills just run away while I am there! which really sucks when I don't anyone in the class.

well, I got the nerve up to start up conversation at my art table, which was nice, the other three people seem real nice. There was this one guy in particular, he was cute, seemed a little shy, so, ya know, I tried to engage him in a little conversation.....

......and I think he's gay.

Ok, now, this is just getting rediculous. you must understand, I came to school this year with high hopes of the fun new freshman class that would be full of cute boys that I could date. I was even more excited when I heard that the majority of the theatre majors were boys.

ALL of them are gay.

ALL!!!

we are at about a 4/1 ratio of gay to strait men in my social group!!

and it's not that I have a problem with their being gay, not at all, almost all of my best friends are gay, what I have a problem with is that they are not straight.

I need to expand my circle.

then, when I try, I FIND ANOTHER ONE!

harumph.

if anyone knows an attractive, funny, straight boy that they think would be interested in me, go ahead and give him my number.

the pickins seem to be a little slim over here.

and the world has returned!

Hooray!! I am back fully engrossed in life here again! Today was our first day of classes, as well as my first day working in the Costume Shop (that's right friends, I will actually be making a little money this year!! w00t!)

Ahhh....intellectual stimulation....how I have missed thee.....

My MWF classes are Basic College Math (shouldn't be too bad) and ArtHistory I. I am actually going to have to study for Art History, like, regularly, not just before the tests happen. lame, but I think it'll at least be interesting and it's for my major, so it's usefull to know. ...I'll just keep reminding myself of that.....

We had our first official theatre party Monday night!! It was our Freshmen Party where we got to really meet and hang out with all our new majors and minors. It was at my house and I really think it went great! I look forward to many more ragingly awesome parties to come!

and I am off now to do all the things that I should have been doing the past week and a half.

rock on kids.

peace.


[EDIT]

I am suddenly filled with this uncontrollable urge to prove myself.

NOW.

I have to be amazing this year.

I need to know that I can do it.

I need others to know that I can do it.

I need it to happen.

Happy New Year!

Ever since I was about...seven I've stopped feeling that excited anticipation for the new year. It's usually just an excuse to have a fun party and celebrate the changing of the year. ok. but it never feels different or exciting, it's actually completely anticlimactic because we all just go back to our everyday lives onces the party is done. no different that any other party. this is part of the reason that I think I've never felt any great conviction to create and hold a New Years Resolution. I find personal change is easier to accomplish when it goes with another big change...getting out of habit with no other outside force is so hard.

but the start of a new school year, THAT is the beginning of a year to me. that is the starting fresh. so, this year, I am making some resolutions that I intend to keep.

One. I will keep up with current events. enough of my own hypocracy, I will do what I know I need to do to be doing. If I have the time to read and update blogs, then I have time read the news.

Two. I will not let myself "get by" in my classes that have to do with my future. I demand that I work my ass off to make myself proud of the work that I do for each and every art and theatre class that I take.

Three. I will challenge myself in my theatre work. I need to prove to my theatre and to myself that I can do what I love and that I can do it well. I have had small accomplishments, but I need to do something more. I will follow through with my desires and plans.

Four. I will not let myself give in to the temtations of over eating and abundant junk food. I will keep concious of what I am putting in my body as well as how much I excercize.

So there they are. I am determined to keep them. and I encourage you kids to call me out if you notice that I am not doing these things. If I plan to suceed in this world I need to be able to have the self controll and dicipline.


In somewhat unrelated news, I just had a MET meeting (Ministry of Experimental Theatre, my schools Lab/Blackbox Theatre, on which I am the historian and board member) and we had a lot to go over, but one item of interest is that I am now the Artistic Director of the group. It's not quite what it sound like, it simply means that I am the go between for faculty and us, so that if they, or anyone really, has a question they know who they should go to. SO! This is my lesson on being assertive.

god I hope I don't fuck up.

I have a meeting TOMORROW with the head of our department, who is also our faculty advisor, to ask him for the money that we need to buy the connectors in order to re-cable our entire lighting grid. The job that is already, and irrevesibly, half done. The connectors are going to cost more than he will want to give us. I have to make it all work. Think good thoughts for me kids. I'm a little nervous.

peace.

"Reach out with your feelings!" ...thanks Obi Wan...

twas a good day. I still failed to rise before 11am....but ya know, school starts in a week, so I'm still using the "I can so I will" excuse.

but my day began with breakfast for lunch, then a strolling trip to the mall, witnessing a friend cut off, and almost hit, a motorcycle cop (luckily he was let off with only a warning, but that cop was PISSED).

Then I helped to gut the Lab theatre and re-organize for the new year. The cabling that runs to the lights was old and not up to code, so if something needs to get done, then you gotta do it yourself! or...have Andy do it....whatever. The point is, we cut down all the cables, unhung all the lights, and now we have NO source of light in the theatre save the worklights. Let's hope the new connectors come in in time for us to re-cable and re-connect every instrument and still be able to light the first show! hah! nah...we'll be good. hopefully.

As I was waiting for friends to finish rehearsal, my housemate and dear friend Jenny comes in my room from just getting home from driving all the way from Peoria to Libertyville, just to turn around, after being in town for less than an hour, and come straight back tp Peoria. Her father forced her to miss a day of work to trade vehicles with her brother. To top it off, she accidentally rear-ended someone on the drive home.

not a good day for my friends to be driving it seems.

There was no damage done, and she didn't get in any trouble either, so that was good. But, needless to say, she had less than a pleasant day.

Now, my dearest readers, I would like to inform you of a very special group that I am part of. It is called 11:02 Club. It was birthed from a rather serious talk one night on my porch between myself and two of my friends. We were discussing our unpleasant family situations, our concerning financial standings, and how it sucked that we were stuck in Peoria where we were basically helpless to do anything about it. So, we have become each others support. Basically one of us will have a bad day, and the others will make sure to come to their aide with a drink or a shot accompanied by a big smile and some much needed laughs.

Jenny needed a meeting. So, with Mikey (the third member) being out of reach, Jenny and I giggled our way to the kitchen to create "Mushy Delicious". Basically we took all the fruit in the house (pineapple, a banana, grapes, and a peach) and blended them into something spectacular. Then, right as we were adding the final fun ingredients, Michael walks in with some bad news about his grampa and saying he needed an 11:02 meeting soon.

most perfect timing ever.

so, the three of us enjoyed our amazing drinks (drank out of the wackiest cups in the house) out on the porch and laughed.

now, that sounds like a great end to a long day, BUT WAIT! there's more!

this all took place at still an early time, and all while anticipating the ACTUAL night festivities.....PIE AND STAR WARS!!

this is an event originated by the amazing David Alex and myself last January, and oh, it is SO fun. So, the real end to my night was devouring some french silk and lemon meringue pie while watching A New Hope and laughing more with so many of my fellow nerdy friends.

I had a far more eventful day that I had previously thought.

I'm happy to be home.

anyone perfect must be lying, anything easy has it's cost...

ok. why is it that the most insignificant of inadvertent of pseudo insults, for SOME reason carries more merit than the most intentional of compliments?

I only ask because this, I swear, is not only a "jessi is crazy" thing, but much more of a human thing.

but WHY??

it bothers me because I don't understand it and I even completely do not approve of it, seeing as I realize and can recognize it's existence, but still......it happens to me. I find my feelings hurt by the most STUPID things! and I know this!! yet they still feel this way!?! WHY?!?! god damn....

. . . . . . . . . . . .

I have come to the realization that I can rationalize almost anything....it's a gift and a curse.....but because of this I can see why things happen the way they do, often times....and for this I usually rationalize why it would be just pointless to get angry, or why it is just silly and unwarranted that I would react with anger or upset-ness. this, I fear, leads to the incredible amount of tension in my neck and back and, often, my inability to confront people.

I need to learn how to be assertive.

I need to learn how to be ok will telling someone that I do not like them. especially when I have good reason not to! eeesh.

I am a "nice" person. I really am. but I LOVE who I am.

...it's not an easy thing....to love yourself.

It's taken me a while to realize it, and it's taken even longer to realize that the fact that I do love myself is a rare and good thing. ( I would like to thank Adrian for a part of that, the whole loving myself thing...he made me believe I am beautiful.....hm....) but at the same time.....I see so many faults in myself. but the agitating thing is is that I know that everyone has these thoughts, I know how unoriginal we all are.

I realize that all my prophetic spewings and thoughtful banter are just narcissistic blatherings of the yuppie world who think we know more and are smarter than we really are.

which is frustrating.

because I want to just vent, to ramble, to spew all these stupid, trite, asinine thoughts that have been thought by a million other people at a million other times about a million other issues, just because it makes me feel special and intelligent and like I know something about this fucked up world we live in....but I know.....I KNOW that I really don't. I know that I have only scratched the surface of that LIFE and of what FRIENDSHIP and of what LOVE really is or means....

I am so young. I am so naive.

but then....I'm not.

so I don't know.

I don't know much.

.....

maybe I don't know anything.



confidence sure is something. if you are confident in what you do....you can convince the world you right, when really....you are just as insecure and stupid as the rest of us.

oh what a world...what a world.

and what a people....eh?

about damn time...

all righty kids. here is the major post that I've been meaning to do for....a while. So here goes!

To begin with, CAMPING!

True to Veverka form we were packed to the gills and I was squished into the back seat. But, it was totally worth it because the trip was fantastic. We got the best camp site we've ever had, it was big, flat, and a good blend of shady and open. My aunt and uncle came join us for the day, with their great kayaks, then Mo (the mums super fun sister) stayed another day. We hiked, swam, boated, read, played cards, drank, laughed, and relaxed.

This is Devils Doorway (a fucking awesome rock formation that's with natural....or the Native Americans did it...either way, super cool) Then that's Lucka and I swimming off of the rocks below the bluff, then it's the spectacular view from atop the East bluff. so beautiful.

Then it was back to O-town for the unenthusiastic completion of my online classes with Waubonsee (which I totally aced, which means that I totally could have slacked off more and not tried so damn hard and maybe had a little more fun....fucking sociology....) and visiting the people that I should have been seeing all summer! Alison had the loviest of get togethers during which I got to see four of my absolute favorite ladies, as well as one of my favorite gentleman. Then, it was off to the city for me on a whirlwind tour of apartments!
Cori, Katie, and I spent our day first visiting the great apartment of Di and Alex. It was a great time, the place it really fantastic, and we had the best lunch and Nookies where we were basically given this huge plate full of like, five pieces of pie and cake because they were just going to throw it out and we were the only ones in the restaraunt. fucking delicious. Then we three met up with my cousin Teri for a cool drink and a visit in her apartment (we made the stop mostly because it was POURING and we were wating on Gunnar to get back to us). Once we made her sufficiently late for ther dinner plans, we said our goodbyes and were off to see Gunnar's new place! which was tiny. And by tiny, I mean like, practically dorm room small with a closet for a "kitchen" and a bathroom that literally comes OUT of the "closet". But, it's all his, so he couldn't be happier. The day was long and good. oh wait. except that whole parking ticket shit. moral of the story, the police DO check to see if you have a parking pass at the Aurora station. just so you know. bitch.

After all those antics, it was back to home for me where I was in a flurry of packing for the next couple days. The night before I left the fam and Lucka and I went to see Lady in the Water, which, not matter what ya'lls may think, I really liked. I like the way M. Night makes movies. I love his characters. I'm a sucker for good characters and good interactions. It was a sweet story and Paul Giamatti is fucking brilliant.

Then Saturday was a trip to Peoria! and here I am. All moved in. I'd have pictures buuuut....I didn't feel like it. But it's fucking sweet. I love it here, I love my housemates, and I've actually had a super low-key week so I'm finally getting the ME TIME that I haven't had time for all summer!!

People are arriving now too, since I'm back so early, the only people in town are those in or working on the show, and the actors didn't get in until yesterday, so now I have more company too. Yay for friends!!

A little look into my night last night...

Andy (with the facial hair, also the token male in my house) decided to buzz all his hair off so Mike decided to trim his hair as well. It was quite precious. Andy decided he now wants to be the guy in the army who cuts all the new recruits hair.

So! that's the past three weeks of Jessi's life at a glance! I'm sure more silly blather is to come, as well as tales of stupid college fivalities, but hell, if I don't do all those rediculous things now....when will I?

peace.

beautiful.

I just spent the most glorious morning listening to a thunderstorm while I was snuggled perfectly in bed with the rainy breeze flowing through my room.

aaaahhhhh.....

unfortunatly that meant that I didn't get out of bed until 11:30....but hell, I earned a few days of sleeping in right?

such a good morning.

HELP!!

Ok, I just want to find the video of the August 03 So You Think You Can Dance. WHERE IS IT!!! I suck at finding thing on this crazy internet business. I just want to watch the beautiful dance to that fucking awesome Imogen Heap song.

someone needs to tell me where to go to find it. you young'uns are good at this stuff, so GO!

thanks.

Oh, and I am in the process of moving in to my spectacular room here! hooray for home!!

eeeesh.

there is a very big post to come filled with camping, shopping, city visits, and probably moving in.

a lot has gone down recently and I have had NO time to document it.

but it may be a while...I've got homework and finals to do, packing, and socializing, on top of my grandma just getting re-admitted to the hospital today. They think she may have had a stroke. I'm off to see her tomorrow morning REAL early, so yeah. It may not be until I've moved in and figure out my internet situation sooo...hang tight.

I shall return.

I have a feeling my sanity will need it.

peace kids.